Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Church boner. Awkwardddd
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
