nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
