Your face is a jimmy john
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this will be a night to untag.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
