I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
