i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
