mondays should just be called national damage control day
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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