I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
