just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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