There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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