My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My bed smells like the plague
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
