We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
