Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
