I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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