could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
