my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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