Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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