so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
