I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
