Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
