When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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