Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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