Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
