We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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