Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just google imaged poop.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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