Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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