they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
