Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
