Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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