I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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