I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
