and you said cock pushups were impossible
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
