I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
