smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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