So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
