i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
