There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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