the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
did i just pee glitter
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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