Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
tell me about the fingering
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