was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize