I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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