His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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