no, he came in my armpit
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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