Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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