super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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