I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
