i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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