No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
