Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
