so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Come share oat with me in your robe
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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