we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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