Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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