apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
