Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
