My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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