It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
