A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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