She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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