Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
