They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
