the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
