Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
