No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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