Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he thought i was a dude.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
