im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
