There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
