he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
