my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
