I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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