It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
