So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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