She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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