Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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