first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I intend to get homeless drunk
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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