I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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