he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
These tits shall not be calmed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
