I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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