so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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